Lessons learned

at Holiday Parties!

Some of life’s most important lessons I learned from going to holiday parties. (Some I wanted to go to and some I thought I had to.)

Consider also that it’s not only the hosts of the party who have to do a lot of work. Just think of what a guest has to go through!

1) You have to decide what you’re going to wear. This is a guessing game that can haunt you for years after you’ve goofed. But early on I decided I would wear what I would be comfortable in... then I could concentrate on the other people. I thought this was a worthy goal and I have had to remind myself of it when I felt I had dressed pretty dumb.

2) Driving to the party in the cold winter night. I haven’t become comfortable with this one yet...but it’s nice to warm up at the party.

3) Should you bring a gift? Or not. But then you have to wrap it!

OK... you finally get to the party and here is what I've learned:

1) The first thing is to separate from my husband, Paul. The reason is that Paul knows all my stories and their punchlines!

2) The second lesson I learned came after I read a book about making friends. It advised you to listen and ask questions. So I went to a fancy party where the host wore a tuxedo and the hostess, an evening gown. I hadn’t known that was the theme so I was wearing a little black skirt with a simple white blouse. (Just like the school teacher I was.) I looked around and saw how out of place I was - but my clothes were comfortable (rule #1) and I could concentrate on other people (rule #2).

The first person I remember meeting was a businessman. As we talked I tried my experiment - just asking him questions. And although there were many people at the party... as everyone was leaving, he nodded to me said how much he enjoyed our conversation! And really, I had too. (Oh yes, someone called me a few days later to tell me how nice my simple outfit had looked!)

This year I learned a new lesson. Keep in mind that I enjoy just “watching” at a party. This means I am content to sit on a chair and nibble on treats.
The main trick for me is to avoid the vigilant eyes of the hostess. The kind that wants to make sure her guests are “mingling”.

One time I sat next to a man who also seemed willing to blend into the wallpaper. We sat quietly, nibbling on snacks. But then I started to panic as I saw the hostess headed our way! I said to him, “I’m perfectly happy sitting here but I see the hostess is coming to make sure we’re OK - so would you pretend to be talking to me until she goes by?” He agreed... and did... and after the present danger had passed, he went back to his original quiet pose.

But at one party this year, after a while of mixing with folks, I found a comfortable chair to relax in while others told their stories. All were entertaining but I didn’t have the energy to join in. Keep in mind that this was getting late at night and I had probably been outside feeding horses early in the morning while these folks were still tucked in bed.

So I listened. And I got a taste of what can happen to quiet people. When folks started getting up to leave, they said good-by to the others... but walked right by me as if I wasn’t there. After this happened a few times I got to wondering... does this mean that if you don’t talk, people think you don’t exist?

So from now on I will be more aware about how I react to others who are naturally quiet.
And so I’ll give a toast to the holiday parties... and what we can learn from them - “life lessons”.