When the "Merry"

is gone

from "Merry Christmas!"

If you think you won’t be able to stand it if you hear another Christmas song telling you to be “merry and bright”, keep in mind that you are not alone.
The Christmas season can be a wonderful time. But it can also bring to mind the sadness of missing loved ones or watching someone suffer with disease or pain.

Some of these folks recently met for an ecumenical service at the Lundberg Funeral Home.

Part of their tradition, explained Sue Klicka, funeral director, is to put the names of loved ones who had died during the year on ceramic decorations and hang them on a Remembrance Tree. After the service, folks gather around and look for their ornament to take home.

But also, they are mingling with other people who know the heartbreak too.

And nothing needs to be said. But you might like to share a knowing look or a hug.

A similar service is held at First English Lutheran Church. Pastor Phil Ruud has asked folks what was their most difficult time? Some of the answers were:

“The first Christmas that I spent without a loved one, who had died.”
“The first Christmas after my divorce and my kids were with my ex-husband and I was all alone.”
“I remember Christmas during WWII. My brother and my husband were overseas. I was worried about them. It didn’t feel like Christmas at all.”
“The Christmases when my family member was drunk. They were at their worst during the holiday.”

Actually, these thoughts weren’t just from Pastor Ruud's congregation. A couple were from himself. One Christmas he had to confront a relative who had a devastating alcohol problem. Another time he had a relative who was dying.
And, he reminds us, heart attacks, SIDS, and car accidents also happen around Christmas.

"The thought that everyone else is merry at Christmas when you are anything but merry can make Christmas even more difficult."
So he asks: "What can we say to people who are having a hard time at Christmas? What can you do when you find yourself not so much in the Christmas spirit?"

His answer is: "It’s helpful to have people who will listen… and listen… and listen some more to our real feelings and emotions.
“It’s valuable to have people who will accept and empathize and respect our feelings without trying to cheer us up or change the way we feel.”

And "remember that Christmas is the story of how God comes to meet us in all the broken imperfections of ourselves and this world."

The Christmas story itself is not only about the joy of the birth of a child, our savior, but about physical discomfort and fear of the authorities of that day. And soon, "even the wood of the manger would become the wood of the cross."

"But," Pastor Ruud concludes, "Christmas is a story that tells that God comes to be with us… and it can be a time for receiving Christ’s blessing even though we are not merry and bright."

.